Tuesday, 9 September 2014


S/he loves me…No s/he doesn’t………… Do I really love her/him??No……Yes, I think I love her/him. We love each other…..s/he loves me but I don’t……..I loved my ex,going to marry next but in the between I loved someone else. We both loved each other but we didn’t marry because my girlfriend was a non vegetarian or want to do job after marriage. ;-p.These are few sentences out of many which I used to hear every now and then about this so called word “LOVE”. 
Although I am not on FB and don’t watch bollywood movies much( nothing egoistic about it, I am just not made for these two things).But you can find out many shades of its over there also. It is available every where……So,what essentially “Love” is?? How do we define it? Even after interviewing many and observing thousands around me,I couldn't find any appropriate answer for it..Some think of love as physical passion, and others think of it as long-lasting affection. Some people believe in love at first sight, and others think that it takes years to develop.Moreover in India,where a person fall in love many times,one true ( with many others) before marriage, one true( with many external) after marriage.Or in this way, some are falling in love on the very first night of their marriage after getting intimate with their  husbands/wives without even knowing them much….else, some are not getting married even after spending many years caring,understanding and loving each other.In this strange situation,it becomes quite difficult to find out which one was their real ?? or do they ever really loved someone? Look I have no problem with their tendency of falling in love several  times. Here , I am only disturbed with the fact that most of us have this incorrect tendency of labeling our emotions with this frequently used word “ Love".So does anyone ever feel it or it is still an inappropriate word used by many to cover up their infatuation , liking, rebound or sexual desires?? But then ,what should I do?How will I define it?

Okay…I think here one famous theory of Psychology will prove handy.Yep ! it will give an authenticate and tested idea about this subject.…Hence here I am taking the help of a renowned psychologist named Robert Sternberg ( yes he is the same person who has defined the term Intelligence) for throwing light on the concept of “TRUE LOVE”.What Sternberg did was to break down true love into three parts.These three parts will help you to determine if, what you have in your relationship is true love!  

It consists of  physical and sexual magnetism. It is like “Wow!”… You might hear angels and music…… . You initially cannot get over this person. The attraction is overwhelming. Electricity and chemistry are constantly zapping and bubbling in and around you. You feel an obsessive need to have your feelings reciprocated. For most persons, this is the first part of feeling attraction.

Intimacy leads to attachment. It creates closeness and connectedness. We call this process becoming bonded with another person. Intimacy grows first by spending much time with another person. Then it grows deeper by sharing with one another every aspect of our lives. Intimacy is built on trust and safety. If you cannot trust and feel safe with a person then intimacy disappears and will degenerate into distrust and suspicion.Since intimacy takes patience to develop, many are not prepared for such task. It is work. It implies a lot of talking and disclosure. If a person has been hurt in previous relationships, then they will have great difficulty finding closeness due to previously existing walls of distrust. The tendency will be to project past hurts on the present relationship.

Commitment implies the ability to stay connected no matter what. A mature person is one who can work through misunderstandings and hurts. A key to staying together is believing the best of the other person, not prejudging them with bad motives. It is working positively to resolve issues. For a couple to stay together they must consistently break through the barriers of being hurt while assuming that the other person wants to resolve the issue also.
Commitment involves being conciliatory and pursuing the relationship no matter how you feel. That is why we have social contracts such as engagement and marriage. Sure, these can be broken, but it will make you think twice before breaking them, especially when you have a lot of “equity” invested into the relationship. Commitment is not for the lighthearted. Herein lies the real test. Will you be committed to that person even when they gain some pounds, lose their hair, get sick, change in their economic status, etc.? Commitment does not mean you have to agree with everything, just that you can respect their differences.

True love has all three of these components. Having only a couple will show that the relationship has lost its air and needs help.

In addition to it,  Sternberg also mentioned that couples with Complete or Consummate Love continue to share a deep desire on all levels to be with one another, even after many years.  However,he  states too that maintaining Consummate Love is a lot harder than achieving it in the first place.  He stresses that it is essential for a couple to put all the components of love into action…after all, actions speak louder than words. “Without expression” (of the components), Sternberg warns, “even the greatest of loves can die.”.

hat is your love made of? Find out soon......

Authors comment-Love is much deeper than holding hands and talking mush.Understanding love may be in the longing,the missing but more in the waiting. Once the famous wise king Solomon said, that “many waters cannot quench love” True love is like a flame. All the monsoon rains, hurricanes, and floods cannot put out the flame of love.

  • http://education-portal.com/academy/lesson/sternbergs-triangular-theory-of-love-definition-examples-predictions.html#lesson
  • http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/a/theoriesoflove.htm
  • http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love